Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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