That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize