Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
