i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize