I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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