Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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