So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
