I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
