She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
