Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is this like a preordered booty call?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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