Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
