Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im six kinds of drunk right now
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
