somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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