so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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