the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
