You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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