I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
