Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
