Im at strip club and am horny
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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