that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My penis needs a shock collar
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
