So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize