everyone is single if you try hard enough
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
