wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
