my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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