I wish I could punch you in the face.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
