textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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