wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
