what day is it and did you see me today?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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