I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
