Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
