We won't sleep together?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
