Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
