i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
