Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think people are normalizing furries
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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