i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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