He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
