At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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