Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
