There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
