don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
