So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
