Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
