You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
