Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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