I hate all girls vehemently.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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