i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
