Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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