Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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