I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize