Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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