It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize