what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
