Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
