so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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