i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
