Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
