Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
