i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
