Tell her she can't have a vagina
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
