I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
