I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
