That reminds me...we need to get swords
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
