eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize