Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
