Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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