It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
