Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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