I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
