I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
