You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
