she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
