Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
