nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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